Resilience

We are taught to forget the past, let go of the past,

Currently I disagree with that thinking. I was a fan of it before.

Resilience is not being armored against what has happened. The term resilience comes from a description of plastic in the petroleum industry meaning a plastic form could bend and not break but return to its original form. I don’t think that’s wise thinking when it comes to humans. We don’t return to our original form after a difficult situation. We do take on a new shape molded by the trauma. (And here I’m using the word trauma and an overall descriptor of an event that changes someone in a spiritual, emotional, or physical sense.)

It becomes our choice as to what that new shape is. Does that new shape have hard edges or some spikes coming out of it? Does it become brittle ready to fracture again with an even less traumatic assault? (See my blog on Boundaries for more.) Or does that new shape take a different approach and become even more pliable with an exterior that is malleable and impenetrable, kinda like the dough when I’m baking bread. Maybe we take the form of the Pillsbury dough boy when he gets poked it makes him giggle, “Oh you silly Life, look at you trying to change me. Not going to happen this time either.”

Humans do carry the past with them, it does reshape them from what they were before they were bent or broken. In an interview between Marc Longhurst, manager of publications for CAC in New Mexico and author Cole Arthur Riley, Cole said it beautifully, “It’s only really in the past few years that I’ve had to confront a kind of resilience that isn’t really about returning back to the way you were before but is much more about reclaiming whatever new shape your form has taken. A resilience that doesn’t really ask us to forget, but that carries the memory of whatever harm or whatever fire we’ve been through. A resilience that carries that memory and still is committed to one’s survival and one’s going on in the world, however that shape looks....”

I highly recommend her book, Black Liturgies.

We can’t pretend the terrors of the word do not leave a mark on us, they do, but they help to carry us along this path of life by brewing up more compassion for one another.

I’m not interested in being in a world with all the pretty people, with perfect smiles, adorable waistlines, and gleaming exteriors. No, I’m interested in a world of relationships that allows us to compassionately reveal our wounds and shelter each other from more.

I’ve mentioned before that for me, yoga is about bringing to the mat everything I have, my large belly, my imperfect skin, my tired soul, my angry hamstrings, my weak right hip. From all these ingredients I then am encouraged to build a new life. Life hands me all these ingredients of the family I grew up in, the schools I attended, groups I was a part of, the relationships that dissolved and those that hold together. With this box of stuff, I create the life I want. It’s like the food game show where contestants are given a mystery box of ingredients and asked to make a healthy and beautiful meal. By golly they do it every time. They do it because they choose to.

It's not up to the outside world to heal you. Oh, you can find guides who give you the next clue for your path, but you have to figure out the riddle. There was a wonderful activity that we used to do when I was a kid. It was called a scavenger hunt. I truly believe this is the way life works. Clues are hidden in various locations like under a rock, behind a bush, in the mailbox. A good hunt would have a riddle or word problem or math problem that you had to solve before being led to the next clue. This is a great metaphor for a stimulating life full of challenges. At some point your clues lead you to the backyard of life where there is prepared, just for you, a wonderful banquet with friends and pizza and gifts.

You were not the same person at the beginning of the scavenger hunt as you became at the end. You have more knowledge, more tools, and more connections with the Earth and people now. You take these experiences and choose who you show up as to get the next clue.

Get ready for the best party of your life!