Boundaries

Oh, don’t we just love this word, boundaries. Does it make you feel protected, powerful, in control? Or does it weird you out that someone would have and exercise their boundaries towards you?

There are a few people or situations where I have erected very strong walls, covered in sticky glue traps and razor wire. They are not getting anywhere near me. LOL! That’s probably a little bit of over-kill, but you never know, right? And I’m sure you fully understand.

One aspect regarding boundaries is being or becoming aware of others’ boundaries and honoring them. I was in an email conversation with a counselor of a school my church supports throughout the year. I knew we were getting to the end of the school year, and I wanted to reach out to her one last time to check on them. I was very conscious to also ask if I had permission to contact her over the summer to discuss the needs going into next year. I am aware at the end of school, teachers and support staff like the summer to themselves and probably don’t want emails and connection regarding the next year regardless of the good intention. I offered my awareness of a boundary and asked permission to step over.

The most difficult boundary is the one we set, or try to set, with ourselves. Ugh, how many times have I violated that one! LOL! I have boundaries around food, television programming, social media, books, and movies but it’s hard to puff up against a cookie, “Cookie, you must respect this line and don’t cross it into my hands.” I can ask a person to respect the edges of a behavior or a conversation and if they do not then the communication is over. But all forms of media? Oh, how I can succumb to hours of scrolling, indulging in the latest movie, or a good trash novel. It seems I’m better at respecting your boundaries but not my own. Oh boy.

Boundaries can and should extend into the yoga classroom as well. In all my in-person classes I offer an identification card to put at your mat. One side says, “Yes, please.” The other says, “Not at this time.” This card lets me know if you want me to gently assist your body to a better alignment, or not, giving you space to feel your own way deeper into a pose with your timing and skill.

I think we need these cards in our daily life. LOL! There are times in my life when I willingly want or need help towards a solution; yes, please offer all you got! Then there are times when I just need to show you where I am in a problem, but I do not want or need help. Even though you see a clear path for me, remember that is your clear path, not mine. I want to work through this myself for the deepest and most penetrating learning, so much like a pose in yoga. Sometimes you just need to grapple with a posture until your body feels a sense of ownership and fills the pose out like a balloon.

Coloring inside the lines is hard. Boundaries are hard. But boundaries don’t have to be rebuilt every morning. They can be flexible enough to be challenged, but not so soft that they melt in water. They can even remain just a vision in our mind that can be acted on and created if necessary… or not. Kind of like an invisible force field. Knowing you could, if you needed to, enforce a boundary at any moment is very empowering, but that doesn’t mean you have to face the world every day with claws out and fangs on. Your next breath can bring a softness to any decision about honoring or rejecting a boundary, especially with yourself.