Chaos
The chaos in my house is a little overwhelming today. There’s dirt on the floor, a desk drawer is open to remind me to do something, I’m still in my comfy clothes, my coffee is cold.
Doesn’t seem like much as I write it, but inside it feels like enormous pressure. Tomorrow is house cleaning day, but the dirt I saw on the floor this morning will haunt me until I get the vacuum and get it up. It’s true, I could just grab the broom and sweep it up quickly, but “As long as I am doing that, I might as well….” You get the picture. So, I freeze.
The desk drawer remains open, so I remember to ask Terry for the password to our Verizon account; the bill just jumped $10 and I’m about to lose my mind over it. He’s gone to run errands and if I don’t catch him when her returns, he’ll get involved in something and then I’ll interrupt him and he’ll get frustrated he has to stop what he’s doing and get me the password, which I probably have already written down somewhere, but then I’ll need the code from his phone, so I might as well wait until he gets home. I’m back to where I was at the beginning. Frozen.
I’m still in my comfy clothes because there’s no sense in getting dressed when I plan to get in the garden to water the new plants, while I’m out there I might was well pull the weeds out of the lavender bed, so I’ll get dirty and I have to teach later today and I don’t want to have dirt under my fingernails and twigs in my hair again. So, I freeze.
My coffee is cold because I took the time to scrub the kitchen sink and while I’m in here I’ll feed the sourdough starter and take something out of the freezer for dinner which reminds me I have to make a food tray for coffee hour at church Sunday which means I need to go to the grocery store so I look for my grocery list which is on my desk only to find the drawer still open. This time in my frozen-ness I take a moment to look at the frenzy I have created, and I laugh. I feel like a hamster in a Habi-Trail running down tunnels and crawling up ladders.
Oh, the joys of living with high functioning anxiety.
This is certainly one way to get things done and I have talked with many people who use this tactic. It works, but we both know there is a better way. “Tami, what could be better than getting things done, no matter how I do it?” Ah, my friend, pull up a toadstool and let’s talk.
Your body says it matters. Your body gets exhausted cranking out enough adrenaline and cortisol to fuel your ill perceived triggers. Studies show that constant stimulation is linked to high blood pressure, clogged arteries, anxiety, depression, and addictive behaviors.
What I put my body through as I careened around my house was not nice or helpful. But it’s so hard to stop. LOL! Unfortunately, most western bodies (those of us who live in the United States) have become addicted to the shot of stimulants the adrenal glands pump out. Just look at the amount of caffeine being consumed in coffee, tea, and energy drinks. Caffeine helps push adrenaline through the body faster.
Ugh. It makes me feel like a twirling dervish.
I think the best lesson here is first to recognize the behavior and just make a conscious decision to either stop or continue. Watering that seed of mindfulness each time we get on the hamster wheel can help us to make better choices like doing one task at a time and enjoying doing it. Or even taking a hard pass, which I did, on cleaning the floor. Yay me, it will get done tomorrow.
Next, use that beautiful brain of yours and analyze the reality of the situation. Did I really need to lose my mind on a bill increasing by $10 a month? Well in my mind I did, but how I handled it was beyond crazy. Since Terry is the primary account holder on our cell phones, I could have just written him a little love note asking him to investigate it. No doubt he would have done that, maybe not in my time schedule (like right now, now, now!), but glory be it wasn’t going to change this month’s bill.
Last, take care of yourself. What was the real activator that set the whole thing in motion? Maybe like me, you just like jumping on that fast train where the mind doesn’t have to think or reason, it just reacts. That is the place where we say and do things we later regret. Mindful thoughts make for mindful speech and mindful action. Mindful thoughts only begin when we stop.
My point is when chaos rears her noble head in your life accept the moment just as it is and then pivot, point, or back up. Just don’t continue. And be sure to laugh.
Yes, I finally got out of my pajamas after writing all this down and by then I was done with coffee for the day. It all worked out in spite of myself.
